There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
