We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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