I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
