It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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