If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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