Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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