im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
