spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
