I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
