Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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