Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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