i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
