If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
