Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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