so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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