now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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