it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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