I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
