I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
