update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
