went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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