there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
