You just made me feel so damn special
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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