She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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