not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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