I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
