I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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