i need an iv and a liver transplant
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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