I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
