he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
