She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
