im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
