Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
