'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Panties = found
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
