can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
third nipple confirmed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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