3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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