I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
