so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
