Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
