did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
