I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
