Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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