I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
