3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I just put wine in my tea
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
