True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
