the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
