when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
