I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
