So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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