home. puking in laundry basket.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
