The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
