I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
