She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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