Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
3 2 1 whiskey
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
