You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
