I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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