If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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