I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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