You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
