no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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