she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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