if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
where am i from again
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
