So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
