what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
