I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
