I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's never too late to be topless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
