i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
