Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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