I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Found your dick twin last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
