SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
