we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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