Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
