***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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